Old Acquaintance

There's a saying,

"Yesterday is history, 

tomorrow is a mystery

but today is a gift. 

That is why it's called

"the present.""

I try to live by these words of wisdom. I have embraced my present. Two wonderful boys. One darling daughter. That's five of us in our present family. I wanted more of us. At least two more but it wasn't meant to be. So, the five of us carry on quite happily.

Then subtle reminders stop me in my tracks. Like the sweet neighbour boy who seemed about the age of my lost boy, our fourth baby, that died at 24 weeks gestation. My daughter would come home from school and tell me how our little neighbour hugs her every time he see's her in school. I immediately think of what could have been. She could've had a little brother relying on his big sister for comfort and assurance at school. But this is not our life. That's history.

Then the same sweet little boy has his sixth birthday at the beginning of the same month that we will honour our little lost boy's sixth birth-day.

History collides with the present. 

Is it still a gift? It is! I can assure you that it is! Our neighbour's little boy has a sweet little brother and two wonderful parents that come with him. They have entered our lives unexpectedly and have enriched our present. They are a gift! In fact, that sweet little boy's Mother provided a Christmas miracle for me this year. In a very personal and weak moment this month, I felt overwhelmed with sadness and longed to be thought of and cared for in the midst of caring for so many others. The Mother of this sweet boy, not knowing the depth of my feelings, was an answer to that prayer and provided a literal "present" for me that was both unexpected and deeply meaningful. A gift that represented her past and was now blessing my present. A true Christmas gift and like my lost little boy, a Christmas miracle.

My little boy will never be forgotten. Isoefa Alofa Arseneault. Samoan for "Joseph Love". Joseph because he is a Christmas baby. We discovered his death via ultrasound on Christmas day 2008. I wanted to honour the incredible man that is the earthly father of the baby Jesus, Joseph. I have such deep respect for Joseph and the gentle ways he seemed to have with both Mary and Jesus as a baby and then as a growing child. Such an exemplary Father and parent. This is how I imagine my Isoefa. Gentle, strong and loving.

Alofa, meaning love, because of all the love we feel for him and all the love we imagine he feels for us. My younger brother suggested Alofa for a middle name and it is most appropriate. Honouring our Samoan heritage and the love that is abundant there.

What I didn't expect from his birth is the Love that would surround our family then and continues today.

Thank you! Thank you friends, family, strangers, angels and especially my Father in Heaven for all the Love that you have delivered to our family in so many different ways since that historical day. Small or big, it matters not. You were and are a gift to us. 

One such gift was given to me by my friend, Meaghan Smith, who kept up with my story & viewed my photos of the sad events of that day on Facebook. She comforted me in my grief at the time through the words that she reached out to me with. I was then floored to receive an email from this busy Canadian singer/songwriter right before the year anniversary of my baby's death. She had written a song about my Isoefa and did a rough recording of it with her husband, Jason Mingo. This music soothed my broken soul & heart and captured all the emotions of my experience that I could not capture for myself. Just like any gift that was received at that time or since, it continues to bring divine comfort to my aching Mother heart. Grab another tissue and have a listen:

Guess what Meags? After a very green & dry Christmas, a dusting of snow drifted down on our roof & ground today. I was so pleased for snow while listening again to your song. :)

I'm humbly grateful for the gift that is my present life.

As for my history, it shall never be forgotten. 

**This post is dedicated to all who have 

experienced the pains of loss. 

I wish you peace as you 

walk this difficult journey and find your new life 

carrying your loved one in your heart.**

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight" (Gibran, 1923).